and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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