Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
