you guys were way drunker than both of me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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