Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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