I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
