I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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