make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
