even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
