why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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