I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
