I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
