she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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