Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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