therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
