I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
