Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
