Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
