I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
