he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
