im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
