i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
