Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
