Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize