He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
