He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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