Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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