i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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