I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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