His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
