Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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