My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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