sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
