I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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