Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
