you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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