I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
