dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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