So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
