Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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