I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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