my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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