He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
