It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
