He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
