My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
