Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
