I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
