whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
