Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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