just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
