I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
