I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
