i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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