When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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