you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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