is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
