youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
