I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
