I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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