If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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