there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
