My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
