I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
