As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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