I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
