I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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